So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
