I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It's just like the Real World with babies
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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