I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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