All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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