i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
