My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
