Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
