He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
