You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
