If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm too high and old for this...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
