How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
