1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
