Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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