I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
we should paint friendship bongs
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
