I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
