Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize