I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
