Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
