K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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