Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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