I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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