how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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