I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
people are starting to question the shark bite story
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
