people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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