A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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