...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
