I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
