He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
