I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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