: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
