On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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