Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
