Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
