And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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