forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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