If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
