i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
