I could have mohawked her pubes.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
