I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
