ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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