Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
