It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
