she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
