glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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