Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
