her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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