Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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