3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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