First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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