One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
