So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
