I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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