I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
