dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
