I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
