The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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